What i dont understand is? please help me understand it?

if i marry my cousin i get a house and my fathers company anyway!!! why not let me live now give me money so i can live somewere make diet, for the first time in my life heal my mind after that horror ho terror!!! be happy and even forgive that evil sadistic person who my brother is, who stole me 15 years of my life together with my cousin!! who i will also love then and warmly embrace!! i will even forgive my mother ( i mean if my brother really werent that evil person) why not let me have it and i forgive all evil doers and i wont exclude3 my mother anymore from my marriage!! why rather if i would get free then anyway why torturing me with how other have the right to live but not me??? why not help me now?? not that it makes me hate my cousin forever than if i dont get it, but even if i wouldnt hate her, she is older than me should all her looks get wasted till then ???i mean it doesnt make a difference because i hate her then anyway.. so whats the logic? i know my father is worried, but think about it if i at htis age cant hold my own with the money my father should give me, i will never learn it so there is only a win win situation!!!!! please help me understand it why not help me now???ps she loves me too and its not forced but its still not good enough after she was the reason for 15 stolen years of my life if i dont get the money now!!!!